The Silence of MS

We all know MS is invisible and oh boy can that be frustrating at times. We all know the phrases of "but you look so good"or you don't seem sick". How i hate these comments so much. Although it may not be said on purpose,it still makes it annoying. I suppose we all look good because generally most of us live a healthy life,healthy diet etc,or we are just all so gorgeous?? Whatever the reason is,it's frustrating and wish people would understand by looking good we still feel bad. My doctor even said "but you look so good" and the worst part of this,is he knows i have MS. In fact he treats me for my MS symptoms.

 Then there is the silence in our heads. Well maybe not for everyone who has MS but for me certainly. Silence i don't mean peaceful,content and calm. I mean silence of not saying anything about how we feel or the pain that we are in. We do not always want to tell someone we are in pain,although my husband can see it without me saying anything. The silence of worrying. Worrying about our MS symptoms or our yearly MRI that is due. Worrying about our next day,will i be able to function or am i succumbed on my sofa due to fatigue.

 There's a lot of stress involved with MS,and the worst part of this is that stress triggers our MS symptoms to worsen. Although everyday life stress you cannot avoid,but on top we worry about our illness. I suppose for me i worry more when my MS symptoms are bad and stuck at home not able to do my daily tasks. This stresses me out because i think "what will tomorrow bring". But we cannot control MS,and we have good days and bad days.

Another silence issue is psychology issues. Our moods change day to day because of our chemical in balance  as a result of damage to our nerves in our brain.The reasons some of our  symptoms are depression,anxiety,confusion,understanding or following instructions. Sometimes these are made worse or better by medication.
 Of course foggy minded,foggy brain is also another MS symptom and can be very frustrating.

 I found myself yesterday in a public toilet. I know why would i mention this? The toilet really? I went shopping beforehand and needed to go,okay. The problem was after i was done,i couldn't find the exit. It wasn't a big toilet block but for some reason i could not find that exit. This was not me being blonde (although i can be)but this was confusion and my brain going blank. It's awful but i know it's another symptom of MS. Thank god it does not happen too often. I had to ask the lady who was in there,where the exist was. She looked at me a bit like "really?? I told her i have MS and i can get confused. Her response was very lovely and said"oh it can get confusing with these mirrors". What a nice lady.

These are our silence battles we battle everyday. No one can see them because we are in silence,we are invisible and we try to carry on our daily life as normal as we can. It's hard. We need some empathy from the people around us. The ones that do,we are so thankful for you having empathy and it all makes our battle with MS so much easier .

To my MS readers,i hope you receive a lot of empathy and love from the ones around you.
Please follow my blog if you enjoy my writing :)

Best
Mascha

And so i arrived at my destination!

Well i have been at my destination in Australia for 2 weeks now. Not a lot has happened considering i got sick on the day we arrived. I got a nice flu/cold whatever you may call it. I am guessing i picked it up while in Singapore for my husbands's work. Basically i have been down for 12 days and still recovering.
 I decided to call the home doctor and get myself checked out and my husband. Yes my throat was inflamed and i needed antibiotics. My husband on the other hand had nothing. He was surprised considering he felt bad too. Today is day 5 of my antibiotics and the last day. yes!!! These little pills make me feel rotten!!! Although my throat has gotten better,the little pills make me feel sick.

 Everyone gets a cold or a flu,and it's horrible. But at the same time having MS or another ilness  just makes it a double whammy of bad symptoms and feeling weak as hell. It certainly takes a lot longer to recover too. Not many people understand this. Most people think 'oh the flu,i hate that or i had the flu too. As much as everyone suffers while having the flu,when you have a illness on top of this,it takes twice as long to get on top of things compared to someone healthy.

 Having been on the sofa,in bed and on the sofa again for the last 12 days, you come to realise who your friends are. It so turns out that i have not many. But no surprise here,before i got diagnosed with MS and was sick all the time,many people had better things to do or didn't understand why i cancel. This is another topic for my next blog. Just being out of order there doesn't seem to be much empathy going around. Being back in Australia and not have seen my friends for 2 months,they are awfully quite i must say. It just shows that having MS does keep people away to a degree,but so does having the flu. How ironic. Well my mind has been in overdrive so maybe it's not all too bad but a text asking "How are you feeling Mascha" would certainly put a smile on my face.

For now i will sign off,and hope not any of my MS warriors get attacked with the flu or cold.
Till my next blog :)